On the Road
by FireDisaster
Summary: Post Eclipse Newborn Battle. Leah takes Jacob and runs. Drama ensues.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight (Are these even necessary) and ...yeah.

* * *

_"_What if we ran away? What if we left home for a while? Left Sam and Bella. And the Pack. And La Push. Hell, Washington."

He blinks at her and then laughs. She doesn't let that discourage her and sits up to her knees. "Seriously. We could leave, not permanently, but just to clear our heads."

He rolls over to his side and stares at the wall. The offer sounds tempting, the last place he want to be is with a 50 miles radius when the girl he loves signs her own death certificate and disguises it as a wedding. But the last person he wants to leave with is leaning the top half of her weight on his bed and poking his neck with her index finger.

"Don't ignore me, Jacob. Do you really want to stick around and watch Bella marry the leech after you fought tooth and claw for her scrawny ass? Do you really want to confirm that you, your efforts, your love, nothing was good enough? Do you really want to put yourself through that type of pain?"

He snorts, "Leah, don't try and act like a good samaritan here. We both know you're not doing this for me."

She silences and he can feel the heat of her glare. While he had just gotten his heart ripped out a week ago by Bella, Emily had announced a few days ago that her and Sam were expecting a mini Uley. It's silent for several seconds before she says, "I never said I was. I just offered to take you along on the pity party."

Jacob sits up and she falls back. He bites out a bitter laugh. "Wow, Leah. First you almost get me killed," she looks ready to protest, but he doesn't give her time, "then you insult me. I don't even get so much a thank you, you come over here to insult me some more, and now you want to kidnap me?"

She narrows her eyes, "Don't flatter yourself, Black. First of all, that bloodsucker was mine. I was doing fine before you butted in. Second, calling you a stupid idiot is as close a compliment you'll probably ever get from me. I can do much worse. Third, I didn't ask you to help me. You took it upon youself to impose. And fourth, I'm not kidnapping you. Hell, I wasn't serious even. It was a poorly made joke, sorry to insult you virtuity."

"Figures you'd back out," he scoffs. He's really just testing her, to see how far he can get her to go. As crazy as it sounds, he's actually considering making a run for it.

She scowls, a permanent feature these days. "Please, pansy. You're too chicken shit to even make a go for it. You'd turn back before we even hit Seattle."

She rises to her feet and dusts imaginary specks from the back of her shorts.

In the few seconds it takes Leah to reach the door, Jacob's thoughts swirl at about 100 miles per millisecond. What about Billy? Rachel's back home. What else did he really have to stick around for?

_Not Bella._

He frowns. Granted, Leah isn't the best company, but just before her hand twists his door knob he calls her name. She stops but doesn't look back. He sighs, he's probably going to regret this, and says, "Pack light, and be ready in 20 minutes."

She doesn't acknowledge him, but she does start walking faster.

It takes him 3 minutes to remove the rest of his bandages, 6 to find his old bookbag and shove in a few shirts, cargo shorts, and a pair of jeans. 5 to toss on a random shirt, basketball shorts, and a pair of Nikes. 2 to jump out his window and make it to the rabbit. 3 to pull up to the Clearwaters.

When Leah isn't anywhere to be seen, rage starts to bubble inside of him. She better not have been playing a game. He almost turns back until he spots her gracefully crawling out of her window in a faded blue Rolling Stones tee, small jean shorts, and denim Converse. A small bag is wrapped across her shoulders and smacks against her hip as she lightly jogs to the car.

They sit in silence until Leah breaks it by looking around the car and raising an eyuebrow. "This piece of shit better not break down."

He's regretting this already, but it doesn't stop him from restarting the car and pulling out onto the road.

* * *

It's only been two hours and Jacob is ready to commit murder. "Stop messing with the radio."

"It's boring."

"Then jump out the damn window and find entertainment."

He doesn't even know where they are, but at the speed he's going he's positive they're a good distance away from Forks.

Leah drumbs her nails on the dashboard before settling back in her seat and declaring, "I'm thirsty."

"Swallow your spit."

"Why'd you come?"

"Nothing better to do."

"Do you miss her, yet?."

"Shut up, Leah. I really don't feel like talking about this. Or talking in general."

Obviously she doesn't care because she sits up straiter and her twists her torse in his direction. "You know, I never understood what you see in her? Not lookwise, she's pretty and all if you're into the whole girl next door thing. But she constantly strings you along and plays with your emotions. She builds your hope up only to kick them down and you still chase after her like she's the end of world hunger. I just don't get it."

"Didn't know you cared so much."

"I don't. Just curious. It's not everyday I witness sixteen year old teenagers turned into pussies over a piece of ass they haven't even tapped yet. Especially with a boyfriend, and I know forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest and whatever, but seriously? You threated to kill yourself to get her to kiss you. If that isn't pathetic and desperate, I don't know what it."

"How about lusting after an engaged man and getting angry at the world when you're reminded that he isn't yours and taking it out on others," he snaps.

"He was mine! Bella was never yours! The leech never took anything from you, you were trying to take from him! It isn't easy letting go of my past, Jacob, and you immature imbeciles have yet to figure that out. How do you throw away four years of promises? I gave Sam everything, and he took it and stomped on it. Emily took him from me. Yeah, she claims she's sorry and she misses me and bo fucking hoo, but at the end of the day she chose him over me. I didn't just loose Sam, I lost Emily too."

"Cry me a fucking river, Leah. The self pity is getting old. Get over it!"

"Kiss my ass, Jacob. I'll get over it when you grow some balls!" She pushes the side of his head and stands up in her seat, leaning over and crawling to the back. He almost drives of the road when her foot smashes his temple. "I know you did that on purpose," he growls.

"I know I did too."

* * *

The numbers on the dashboard read 3:00am when Leah wakes up. She stretches and freezes. "Jacob, we need gas."

"Well, who do you want to siphon from? We both know how good you are at sucking."

She trembles and turns red, mostly from embarassment. For a man that claimed to not have those type of feeling for her anymore, Sam sure did think about her that type of way a lot. More often than not the Pack has gotten flashes of her at some of her most...personal..moments. All from Sam's perspective, laid out for several horny hormonal teenage boys to see. So of course she hit them back with her own memories, but the damage was already done.

"You'll never know, Black. But really, pull over there," she points to a dimly lit excuse for a gas station that looks like it was plucked straight out of a horror movie where two stupid kids pull over for gas and peanuts and end up with an axe through their throat.

He pulls over and the car isn't even in park yet before she jumps out and makes a beeline for the door. There are five large old sweaty guys who reek of beer and tobacco who check out her ass as she walks through the door like she owns the place. Jacob rolls his eyes because now he has to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid, trouble seems to be Leah's shadow.

The whispers about the hot tall Indian girl stop short when they see the big intimidating Indian guy she's with. One smacks his teeth, one clears his throat, one looks away, one has the ball enough to size him up, and one just drinks his beer. Jacob looks down at all of them as he walks through the door and makes a statement with one small glare.

_Don't even attempt it._

Leah piles several items on the counter and hands Jacob two twenties. "Try to look big and scary and score some booze. I have to pee. Don't leave without me or when I get back to La Push I'll tell everyone that you had a sex change and go by Jacqueline these days."

Jacob scoffs, but all notions he had of leaving her ass stranded disappear because he knows she'll do it. He places four twelve packs of cheap beer and five bottles of something strong on the counter along with Leah's family sized bag of Cheetos, four gatorades, gummy worms, life savers, Snickers, Ritz, Cheese and crackers, Pringles, Froot Loops, and shake and stir Macoroni and Cheese.

He's grabbing his bags when he hears the masculine scream loud and clear. "FUCKING BITCH!"

Jacob sighs and tosses the grungy looking perv behind the counter an extra ten from the change. At his questioning look, Jacob says, "For the damages."

He gets outside in just enough time to pull Leah off of one of the potbellied creeps before the heel of her shoe made contact with his nose. He wraps one large arm around her small waist -he's never noticed how small she actually is- and drags her effortlessly kicking and screaming threats to the car while the guy is laid out on the ground bleeding and his friends surround him.

He tosses her into the car and pulls off. It's a good five minutes later until he realizes they didn't get the gas.

* * *

They decide to drive into the next town before getting gas which happens to be a little small backwater place on the border of Washington and Oregon. But there's A McDonalds, a Waffle House, and a gas station.

It's good enough.

"Go order us some food, I'm going into the bathroom to freshen up. I look like death," Leah declares before sniffing in Jacob's direction, "and you smell worse."

"Driving for hours in a stuffy car with no air or a shower will do that to you. You don't smell like a bed of roses either, you know."

It's not that she smells horrible, or even looks it. Sure, her hair is tangled and plastered to her sweat coated neck. And yeah her shirt is clinging to her wet body, her eyes are red and have cold in them, and her breath isn't the most fresh.

"I know," she responds with a frown, "which is why the next stop we need to make is at a Motel 6 or something. I miss soap and this seat belt digs into my ass everytime I lay down." She wiggles around in her seat to prove her point before attempting to open the door. She looks at it strangely when it doesn't budge. She tries harder and starts grunting with her effort. Jacob stops her before she breaks his car.

"Damn Leah, it's a car not a dick. Stop jerking it. You have to yank, push, pull, then push again."

"Excuse me? I'm sorry, I didn't know this piece of shit came with a routine. It's been working perfectly fine before."

"It sticks sometimes, you just gotta," he finishes his thought by leaning over into her personal space and yanking the door handle. Leah's nose scrunches up. "Wow, hurry up Black, you smell worse in close proximity."

"Shove it, Leah."

He's moved further into her personal bubble and she starts growing uncomfortable with the contact because one of his elbows is digging into her stomach while the other one is dangerously situated between her thighs. His hips are pressed almost too close to her's, his head pressed against her breasts, and if he moves up any further they'll have children.

"Um, Jacob," she starts, lightly tapping his head. Hm, his hair is soft she notes. He doesn't answer and she grows agitated. "Jacob!"

"Wait, Leah, I'm trying to open it. You must have jammed it or something. Damn it, if you broke my car you're walking back," he growls, using more force than necessary. Leah inwardly gasps because his jaw scrapes her nipple everytime he speaks. She mushes his head. "Jacob, get off of me, I'll just climb out on your side."

When someone wolf whistles as they pass the car, Jacob seems to realize the compromising position their in and looks up at Leah sheepishly. "Oops."

She glares, "Don't worry. I was just going to sit here and let you violate me a couple more minutes."

"You broke my car."

"I don't give a shit."

"You should."

"Why is that?"

"Because you broke it."

* * *

There's an old man pretending to read a newspaper in the corner of the Waffle House. He keeps nodding off and Jacob grows worried when he hears his heartbeat slowing, but then the man jumps back up every two minutes. Their waitress's name is Jewel and everytime she speaks, she pops her gum. She flashes too much teeth to just be friendly towards Jake but backs off when Leah emerges from the bathroom with hard eyes and a cold scowl.

Her hair is wet and slicked back, she's changed into a black wifebeater and flip flops and kept her shorts, and she smells a little better, like when you put lotion and deodarant on as a replacement for soap and water. "Did ya order my food?"

"How do you have all that money?"

She smirks and waggles her eyebrows. "Seth didn't tell you? I work as a stripper part time in Port Angeles when I'm not patrolling."

His eyes narrow and he fights back the grin at picturing Leah swinging around a pole in a thong. "Really, Leah. I saw inside your wallet, there has to be hundreds in there."

"I'm serious," she states as she takes it upon herself to slurp loudly from his drink. "There's a club in Port Angeles, Naughty Angels. I go by Lollipop when I'm on stage. The tips are great. You'd be surprised at what creeps will pay for a little T and A."

Now he's stumped because there is in fact a club named Naughty Angels in Port Angeles. He knows because he, Quil, and Embry have snuck in there on more than one occassion post fursplode when they bulked up. "You're joking right?"

She rolls her eyes. "Of course you big dork. It's part of my college savings. I don't have any use for it anymore, might as well blow it on bullshit like unplanned road trips with lovesick puppies."

"Pity, I think you'd be a great stripper," he blurts before thinking and hopes his face isn't red. To his great relief she starts laughing.

"Thanks, Black. Maybe we'll pass a strip joint and I can show you what I've got?"

"You're on, Clearwater."

Something starts buzzing in Leah's purse as they eat their food and Jacob looks on curiously as she pulls an expensive touch screen out, reads something, and punches back a reply. "That was from Seth. He said Sam's pissed, Billy doesn't care as long as you come back, my mom's worried, and the rest of the Pack have a bet going."

"Bet?"

Her phone buzzes again and she actually smiles a little as she reads the message. "Apparently Quil has ten on you'll attempt to run me over. Embry bet five that I'll damage your family jewels. Jared has ten on us getting arrested. Rachel's in twenty with Jared. Paul bet fifteen that we'll start nailing each other. Oh, wait, that's another bet. Quil has five that you'll succeed. Embry bet five that you'd tap this by the time we're eighty. Jared has ten that you'll never get lucky. Rachel bets ten that I've already given it up. Kim bet five that we'll just become great friends. Emily has five on us becoming friends. And Seth being the ever loyal little brother he is bet thirty that we'll come home happy."

Jacob clears his throat and avoids her eyes as she smirks at him before typing a reply. "What'd you say?"

"I told him we just got finished having hot wild hungry sex in the back of the car and we're getting married as we speak."

Jacob chokes and snatches the phone out of her hand. _We'll be home soon. Love ya little bro. Be safe and tell Sam to shove it. And tell the Pack to kiss our ass._

He breathes a sigh of relief. "Not funny, Leah.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I read your reviews. I do. And I laugh my ass off at some of them and I get sentimental at others, and I enjoy every single one. So, thank-you. For all.

Song for this chapter: Bossy - Kelis

* * *

"You don't have to love me."

"Leah..."

"You don't even have to like me."

"I don't."

"But you will respect me. You know why?"

"Leah, don't even..."

"Cause Imma boss! Im bossy! I'm the bitch y'all love to hate, I'm the bitch that's raised the stakes, I told young stunna he should switch the beat, I'm back with an 808, cause I'm bossy!"

"Leah, stop shaking the damn car." Jacob was seriously contemplating suicide right about now. Apparently, Leah had thought it was a great idea to see _how loud this piece of shit on tires could get _and had cranked his little radio to its highest capacity and blasted some random song about being bossy. And by now, she was all into it. For the first couple seconds she had just slapped her thigh to the beat and nodded her head. Now two minutes into the song and she was rocking the car with her movements while he was almost going deaf.

He had finally had enough and just shut the radio off completely. He was one second away from ripping it out and shoving it down Leah's throat. She shot him an irritated glance and rolled her eyes. "Way to ruin the mood, Black."

"This coming from the light of the party herself."

Leah scoffed. "Please, I know how to have fun."

He shot her a disbelieving look. "Leah, the one time you got smashed at that bonfire and tried to make Sam jealous by humping every guy on the beach does not count. That wasn't very fun, more like spiteful."

She pursued her lips at the memory. Petty? Maybe. Childish? Probably. Did she give a damn? Not one little bit. She was determined to let Sam's ass know exactly what he had let go of when he dumped her. So she wined, twisted, hip rolled, and popped her ass all over the place. She grinded so hard on some guy she almost got _him _pregnant.

"Black, your definition of fun and my definition vary greatly. I define fun as being pleased with your activities and enjoying one's self. You define it as everyone skipping through corn fields holding hands and getting along. And I was not trying to make Sam jealous. Please, how high school can you get."

"Whatever you say, Leah."

She leaned her top half of her body out of his window and closed her eyes, willing some breeze to assault her face. She was literally leaking. Her hair was matted to her sweaty neck and beads of persperation were leaking down her face. "Hey Black, where are we?"

He shrugged and yawned. "I don't know."

They'd gotten back on the road immediately after they had left the diner, Jacob with the bubblegum popping waitress's number shoved into his hand on the way out, and had been driving for another day without stopping. Leah had been the only one of them who had gotten some form of sleep, and that wasn't saying much because his car wasn't exactly comfortable and if judging by her irritated movements and fussing around as she attempted to sleep, she wasn't well rested either. She had offered to drive at one point; he looked at her like she was crazy and told her nobody was getting behing the wheel of his car but him. The long stretch of highway they were on was completely abandoned and it was dark.

They drove in silece, Thank heavens, for another ten minutes before Leah pointed out a bright giant sign. _LongOak __Suites_

It was better than nothing and Jacob exited to the half empty parking lot. His joints cracked when he got out the car and a second later Leah had crawled over his console and out of his side as well. If there was ever a definition of _tacky_, this hotel was the embodiment of it. Jacob stared in disbelief as they walked past two humping rats into the doors. Leah scrunched up her nose. "What the hell is that smell?"

Jacob sniffed and his nose led him right to the grungy man behind the desk who was eyeing Leah's bare legs as if they were going to disappear. She noticed and quirked her eyebrow at the man. He merely shrugged and continued to stare. They marched right up to the desk and Jacob opened his mouth to speak but shut it right back. Even the air tasted bad.

"Hi, welcome to LongOak, how may I help you tonight?" The man stated in a gruff voice.

Jacob scratched his head and let Leah handle it. She claimed she was the one with the brains. She clasped her hands on the counter and smiled politely. Jacob was taken back, he had forgotten how she looked when she smiled. Maybe she was human after all. "Hello, um, how much are rooms here?"

He stared at her chest and smiled back at her while answering. "Single suites are 70 a night. Double are 85."

She snapped her fingers to bring his attention back to her eyes. It didn't work, until a growl rumbled in her chest, causing the overhead light to vibrate. His eyes snapped back up. "Cash or credit?"

Jacob snorted. People who possessed credit cards didn't stay in ratholes like this. Leah slammed a fifty and twenty on the counter and he handed her a small key. "You're number 5, the third door on the left. Enjoy your stay."

"This piece of shit..." Leah swore as she tried to open the door. She tried again and Jacob pushed her out of the way.

"What the hell is with you and doors?" He opened it easily -maybe with a slight push of his shoulder- and wished they decided to just sleep in the car.

"Suites my ass. We should sue for false advertising."

Jacob just sighed and plopped down in the chair next to the bed table. It creaked under his weight and he eyed the legs warily. "You're the one who wanted to stop."

"Because you looked like you were going to pass out and kill us both!" she snapped.

"Trust me, if it comes to that, it will not be on accident." As he spoke, he eyed the bathroom. To their credit, it had a shower seperate from the tub. He rose and made his way over.

Leah gave him a look and immediately pushed him out. "I call dibs." He pushed his way back in.

"Hell no. There's one for both of us. You can take the shower, I'll take the tub, and we'll stay out of each other's way."

She laughed and crossed her arms. "Look perv, I don't think so."

He snorted in disbelief. "Please, Leah. Sorry to shatter your little vain hope that every Tom Dick and Jacob is attracted to you, but the last thing on my mind right now is trying to check you out. I've seen it enough to know that you don't do much for me, so get over yourself because I want to bathe and it's going to happen now." To further prove his point, he pulled off his shirt.

Her jaw dropped and the silence was audible as he turned around to finish disrobing. Did he just...did he just tell her she was ugly to him? She glanced in the mirror quickly and frowned. She had little to hold onto since she had phased, but the one thing she thought she still possessed was her beauty. She had been beautiful once upon a time, but now there were tell all bags under her eyes, her messily cut hair was uneven, her mouth seemed set in a permanent scowl, and for once in her life...she felt unnattractive. Now she was pointing out flaws that she never even noticed before. She glared at Jacob's back and kicked off her shoes before dropping her shorts and almost ripping at her shirt. Wordlessly she stepped under the spray and slammed the glass door shut.

* * *

That was probably a little cruel. He could practically hear her ego bruise. He used to think she was amazing, gorgeous, beautiful, but ever since he's been in her head it's been hard to think of her as anything but a shrew. He shrugged, she'd be alright. She'd had her fair share of insults before, she always hit back twice as hard.

His eyes unintentionally went to the shower. It was made of glass and see through, but her figure was blurry. The most he could see was the outline of her curves. Her curves...she had so many. His head titled automatically to get a better look as she leaned her neck forward to let the water cascade down her back. Her steps were audible as she turned around in the shower. He could hear her soft moan as the droplets hit her skin and his eyes widened. He looked down in and glared. "Don't you even think about it."

His equipment did not listen because it started rising when she moaned again. "Holy shit," he muttered, twisting to cross his legs. "Black licorice, Betty White, Rabid squirrels..." _Why was he getting harder? "_Turtles, Grandma. Grandma naked." His junk deflated like a hot air balloon. Thank God, because if he had stayed hard after that image, he would have sent himself to therapy.

He glanced back over to the shower and almost jumped out of his skin. She was staring right at him through the glass. Her bright grey eyes were the one clear thing he could see and they were fixed on him. He turned around immediately. She didn't see. She couldn't have saw.

* * *

Leah raised an eyebrow and smirked before turning her back to him again.

Oh yeah, she saw.

* * *

"It's about time," Jacob complained as she finally exited the shower an hour later. His eyes automatically roamed her body, she had the small dingy white towel wrapped tightly around her body and her hair was pushed back and over her shoulder. He diverted his eyes. It must have been too long if he was ogling Leah. The last form of female contact he had -besides his kiss with Bella- was with Paul's sister's friend when he took her to Jared's birthday bonfire and he got to third base against a tree. She ignored him and padded past to dig around in her bag.

"I thought you were going to use the tub."

"The water didn't look right."

"Tough luck. I used all the hot water."

"I'm 109 degrees, Leah. I can stand naked in Antartica and still sweat. I think I'll be okay."

"Well it's all yours." She waved her hand dismissively and he locked himself in the bathroom.

When he was gone, Leah dropped her towel and immediately pulled a large white shirt over her head and some boxer boy shirts. She was pulling a comb through her tangles when he emerged with a towel similar to her's swung low around his hips. Her eyes widened just a bit before she turned around and pretended to look for something in the opposite direction.

Oh hell no. She knew things were bad when she started checking out Jacob's eight pack. Damn, she knew it had been a long time -eleven months to be exact- but Jacob? She wasn't an addict. Not at all, but she liked sex. She had become so accustomed to having it as a part of everyday life when she was with Sam that once she didn't have it anymore she immediately realized she missed it. Oh, how she missed it. And as much as she tried to diss Sam in the Pack mind by claiming it wasn't all that good, they could all see the blatant lie under her malicious fore thoughts. She still got wet just looking at him and remembering. And the fact that they had it from Sam's point of view as well, they didn't exactly consider writhing, moaning, and begging for more actions of not enjoying it. She was in deperate need of some form of release, so when Kim Connweller's older brother came home from Washington State with a heavy heart after being dumped by his girlfriend for his roomate and a hard on for her, she jumped at the chance and rocked his world in the back of his Impala. She knew it was rebound sex, she knew it wasn't as good as with Sam, she knew her Pack mates that were patrolling that area could hear them, she knew she had sunk very low, but she didn't care. And to further prove so, she did him again in his family's diner's bathroom. That one probably was classless and really dirty on her part, but it would have gone unnoticed if he didn't wail so loud when he came. She had to shove a roll of toilet paper in his mouth just so he wouldn't carry on like a damn banshee. Needless to say, she walked out with her head high and ignored the cat calls and wide eyed shock.

She had made up her mind to ignore him the rest of the night until he told her to stop touching his back.

"Jacob, I'm not touching you."

He moved around from his position on the floor and growled. "Damn it, Leah. This isn't funny, move your hand away from my ass!"

"Despite what your oversized ego thinks, not all women are desperately trying to get in your pants. Get over yourself." She threw his words back at him in a sickly sweet voice. He scoffed, "Look, if you're mad that I said I wasn't attracted to you, you get over yourself. I can't help what I like."

"Right, sorry. I'll just turn pale, scrawny, and lust after vampires while I repeatedly tell you that I don't want you but I do but not enough to leave my fiancee and have your puppies! Is that more like it?"

"Shut the fuck up, Leah! Damn, what was I thinking when I agreed to this shit? Damn, Leah, STOP TOUCHING MY ASS!"

She whipped around and before she could retort, she screeched. At this, Jacob looked around and realized that even though she was way across the room, something was still rubbing against him. He looked down and immediately jumped up and let out a less than masculine cry. He darted over to Leah and they both eyed it. "What the fuck is that thing?"

Whatever it was stared back at them with a look that clarly said they were in its domain and it wasn't going anywhere.

"A mouse?" Leah tried, moving back. Jacob shook his head. "Biggest fucking mouse I've seen in my damn life. That thing is not a mouse. It's not even a rat. Is it a raccoon?"

"With a tail that thin? Hell no, I'm telling you. It's a rat."

"Rats don't get that big. At least not on Earth. What the hell has it been eating? People?" He really wished he hadn't put that idea in Leah's head because now she started digging her nails into his skin.

It started moving towards them and Leah pushed Jacob forward. "You're the big bad Alpha Jr. Kill that thing."

It screeched at them and crouched as Jacob stepped forward. He immediately stepped back. "I don't think it's in the mood to talk, Leah."

"Good thing I don't want to hold a conversation with it, you big pussy! Kill it!"

"Well, you kill it, since it's so you're so big and bad!" he snapped. The thing hissed and darted forward a little. Leah screamed and jumped on top the bed. When it moved closer, Jacob hopped up right with her. She shot him a look of disbelief. "JACOB! KILL IT!"

He was so glad the Pack wasn't here to give him shit about this. But in his defense, that thing was not your everyday grungy rodent. He moved down to get it, but it stood to its hind legs and bared its teeth. "Holy shit!" he jumped back as it moved forward.

"Shit, Jacob, it's coming!" By now Leah had wrapped her arms around his neck and started pulling him down. He was bent at an awkward position, half standing and half crouched with Leah almost wrapped around his entire body. When it advanced, Leah damn near choked him when she put her foot on his shoulder and attempted to climb up his body. Jesus, her crotch was right there. Like...right there. If he moved one centimeter to the left, his face would be buried between her legs. He tried to focus on the alien rat instead of the fact that Leah's privates were rubbing against his cheek. "It's getting closer!" she screeched. He laughed, he didn't mean to, but he did when he wondered whether she was talking about her vagina or the rat.

She smacked him and he stumbled, threatening to drop both of them. She yelled and he choked a little as she wrapped her thigh tighter around his neck. "Wait, Leah..." he tried to stop her, but she somehow had twisted them and now she was in front and he couldn't see. He could feel she was slipping, and tried to steady her but his hands landed on her ass and she started punching him. "For someone who isn't really attracted to me, you sure are touchy feely."

He growled, "Well, if your crazy ass wasn't trying to make us one person, I wouldn't be touching you."

"Whatever," she rolled her eyes and looked over her shoulder. That was the wrong thing to do, because Jacob lost his balance and they both went flying. Jacob bounced on the mattress and Leah landed on his stomach with an _Oopmff. _He choked on some of her hair and she sat up and looked around. "Jacob," she whispered, "Jacob, it's gone."

"What the hell do you mean...it's gone?" He sat up as well and looked around the room. The door was swinging open. "Holy hell? Please tell me the wind did that and that thing didn't open the door and leave."

"Don't be ridiculous Jacob, the wind probably did it and it left."

It was silent, Leah with her legs crossed and Jacob staring at a stain on the wall, before she snorted. Her body started vibrating and Jacob started to smile. Her silent laughs got louder and she threw her head back and Jacob followed suit. "You should have seen your face," she gasped out, clutching her stomach.

"Mine? You were the one about to have a seizure. _Jacob, kill itttttt!" _He did a bad impersonation of her voice and laughed harder.

"I do not sound like that!" she snorted, and leaned over to grab something. Jacob's eyes immediately went to her ass and he gulped and looked down. This was not going to work. He scooted further away. She came back up with a large bottle and a devilish smirk.

"Old Quil's moonshine. Guarenteed to get a wolf lit. What do ya say, Jakey boy? Wanna have some fun?"

* * *

The bottle was only half empty and Leah was doubled over in laughter. "Holy shit, Black. The first girl you saw naked was Rebecca. That is so sick!"

"It's not funny. It was very tuma...turmateez...trumarte...tramateezing..." he leaned back and laughed. "I couldn't look at her or Rachel for a month."

"Alright, your turn." She took another drink and stared at him eagerly. He bit his lip, deep in thought, before making an aha noise.

"Is it true that you let Kim's brother go down on you in Sam's bathroom?"

She spat out her drink and burst out laughing. "Haha, hell no! Who told you that bullshit?"

"Paul."

They stared at each other before guffawing. Jacob spoke first, "You know...you're prettier when you're not scowling."

Leah snorted. "As opposed to my usual ugliness? So, Jacob, exactly how ugly am I to you?" She had yet to bring up the fact that she saw Jacob Jr. at full attention when he was staring at her shower. She had that tucked away as ammo for a later day.

She spoke into the bottle and was so focused on drinking that his answer shocked her into spilling the drink and it leaked down her chin. "I actually think you're beautiful. Or at least, you used to be before you went all _Fatal Attraction_ and _Carrie_ rolled in one. You still are, if you erase that damn frown and smile a little."

The mood sobered quickly and Jacob snatched the bottle and finished it off. Leah had only paid for a one bed room, so she laid down and immediately turned her back to him. She refused to get under the covers, so they both laid on top. Jacob sighed before turning away and scooting over.

It was silent for ten minutes before Jacob mumbled, "Leah, just because I told you you're pretty doesn't mean I want you to molest me in my sleep."

She ignored him and moaned, digging herself deeper into sleep. He pushed back into her, jostling her and causing her to growl. "Damn, Jacob, what?!"

"Stop it, I'm not comfortable with your hand right there...shit..haha...stop Leah that tickles...wait...hahaha Leah do not...DO NOT put your hand there..._shit Leah what the hell are you..._ahhh...Leah! Leah do not squeeze that, it is not a toy! Leah..."

She groaned, "Jacob, what the hell are you going on about? My hands are safely tucked under this pillow." She removed them and hit him over the head with both just to prove her point."

Jacob let that ponder for a moment before they both caught the idea at the same time and jumped up screaming.

"Shit, Jacob! Kill it!"


	3. Chapter 3

Whoa, response was just whoa. Thank-you for the feedback. On to the next chapter peeps, in which boys want Leah's cake. Next Chapter involves a lot of moaning and a very pissed off Alpha. *smirks* P.S: The little critter from Chapter 2? Yeah, you haven't seen the last of it. Lol, also, it isn't a shapeshifter or anything like that. I honestly LOLed at some of your theories. It was just a random ass creature I tossed into the chapter. I know I usually go deep into depth with stuff, which is why some of you probably thought it was a secret shapeshifting alien that planned to send the Pack to its demise, but I assure you, this story will be as lighthearted with as little angst as I can make it. Just a simple journey of discovery. So, have at it...

Song: Birthday Cake- Rihanna

* * *

Jacob massaged his neck with one hand while keeping a close eye on Leah to make sure she didn't do anything they would both regret.

"I want my money back. This piece of shit hole in the wall isn't worth one damn cent. There was a creature in our room that looked like it belonged on Syfy and we had to sleep in the damn car!"

The desk manager rolled his eyes and lazily pointed to the sign scribbled in marker over his head. "Can't you read, sweet cheeks? No refunds. Doesn't matter how you bat those pretty eyes or flash those pearly whites, no means no."

Her arms started quivering and Jacob took it upon himself to make sure she didn't eat the guy. He couldn't have her phase now, so he grabbed her upper arm and she whipped around and bared her teeth at him. He growled and shook his head slightly. "Leah, not now."

The desk clerk obviously didn't know when to shut up, because he interjected, "Leah..._Leah..._hmm...Leeeaaahhhhhhh," he rolled it off of his tongue and smacked his lips together. "Sounds sweet, darling. Pretty name to match a pretty face."

Jacob would have laughed at her expression if her entire body hadn't started shaking like she'd been possessed by a demon. He yanked her a bit and when that didn't work took to wrapping an arm around her entire torso. She fought him a bit and snapped at his hand, but stopped vibrating after a while. "Thanks, Jake. I'm calm now," she lied, obviously. Jacob rolled his eyes. He didn't know how stupid she thought he was, but even he knew you couldn't bullshit a bullshitter.

"Eh, the lady likes it rough?" the desk clerk waggled his eyebrows. "Look Fabio, I'll talk to you since the lady's not listening, you can go now. You're not getting your money back, and that's that."

Leah had had enough of this bullshit. Bad enough she had to sleep in the car, but apparently her and Jacob were more like dogs than they thought as it said puppies have a tendency to pile on top of each other...or cuddle...and she'd woken up with her leg thrown over his thigh, his face buried in her neck, her hand dangerously close to his wolfy parts, and his massive arms trapping her to the seat.

She edged forward slowly with Jacob's arm still light on her waist. He moved forward with her. She creeped up close enough to smell the bacteria on the clerk's breath and see the hairs in his nose. Her hand fisted itself in his tee shirt and she leaned over the counter with a menacing look. "I suggest you give me my money back, or you're going to be the unfortunate victim of a dog attack."

He raised his eyebrows skeptically and questioned, "A dog attack, sweetie? Look around you, you'd be lucky to find a bird out here."

She laughed once and her voice oozed out like honey, "No, you listen, sweetie. I suggest you give us our money, or the authorities will find your testicles savagely ripped off, chewed, and spat back out," she ran her tongue over her teeth and lingered on her sharpened canines for special effect.

* * *

Jacob watched her from the corner of his eyes as she counted the bills. "Leah, that 40 more dollars than we paid."

She shrugged and shoved it into her bag. "Guess he gave us a tip."

They had hauled ass out of that place after Leah made her Hannibal Lecter threat and gotten back on the road. Jacob should have known things were going too good; the weather was nice, Leah actually told a joke that was funny and not on someone else's behalf, they both agreed on a station, and she even shared her bag of Cheetos. But then his precious baby let out this horrific wheezing sound that made him worry and chugged for a few slow seconds before completely stopping.

"Ah hell, Jacob! We never filled this piece of shit with gas!" Leah complained, throwing her head back against the seat.

Jacob glared at her. "And whose fault is that, Leah? You're the one going Rocky on everybody you meet. And stop calling my car a piece of shit, this piece of shit has gotten you this far."

She huffed and looked around. Great, just great. They were in the middle of nowhere, not a car in sight, and neither one of them were going to phase for something as stupid as this situation was, enough to be bombarded with people they weren't ready to deal with. "Now what?"

* * *

"I wish we could all just run around naked," she commented. He looked at her sideways and scoffed.

"Really?"

"Yeah, freedom and shit. Sounds nice and relaxing."

"But everytime we phase you always rush to cover up your body."

"That's different."

"How is it different?"

"It just is, Jacob."

They continued walking before he said, "I always wanted to wear a loin cloth like Tarzan. And swing around on vines and talk to apes and have an elephant best friend."

"Hey, you got Quil, that's close enough."

He chuckled and elbowed her. "Kind of funny, Clearwater."

More silence, before he said, "Leah, can I ask you something?"

"You just did," she replied smartly, giving him a look. He ignored that and continued. "Why don't you date?"

She didn't skip a beat. She'd been asked that several times by several people. The answer was automatic now. "No time."

"Bullshit," he called her out. If Paul had time to bang his sister, Embry had time to pretend to be all quiet to get the ass, Quil could flirt with every female he came across, Jared could fawn over Kim, and etc, then she had time to date. She huffed.

"What do you want me to say, Jacob? Jeez, I tried. Twice. Both times weren't all that successful."

She did try. The first time was a nightmare that she'd rather not relive. Things were okay, sort of. They were on their third date and she didn't even let it bother her that he talked too much, his jeans were tighter that her's, and out of the both of them, only one of them wore makeup. And it wasn't her. He paid for everything, he was a gentleman, he could make her laugh...kind of...and he was good looking...enough. First date, cool. Second date, nice. Third date was a train wreck. She can't pinpoint exactly where it went wrong, but she believes it was somewhere around the time he grew comfortable enough to ask if she was interested in a threesome with him and his boyfriend.

The second time was Kim's brother and she doesn't even think that could be considered dating. Screwing somebody twice and ditching them to the curb.

"What happened?"

"Maybe one day I'll tell you," she smirked at him and turned around. Her ears picked up on an engine and she whispered yes.

He raised an eyebrow at her when she tied her shirt up in the back, let her hair out of its ponytail, and stuck her thumb out. "Really, Leah? What if this turns out like _the Hitchhiker_?"

"The what?"

He gave her a look of disbelief. "The movie! Oh, jeez, Leah. When the guy they pick up is a murderer and hunts them down the whole movie." He sighed at her blank look. "I'll educate you later."

The car approached and Jacob looked on boredly as it passed by. But then it halted and slowly backed up. Leah looked on pleased as Jacob moved up closer to her. She might be a pain in the ass, but Sue would have _his_ ass if anything happened to her daughter. An old school van covered in rusted blue paint stopped in front of them and the windows rolled down.

"Car troubles, hun?"

Leah's eyebrow quirked in slight appreciation. Hellooooooo. She didn't usually go for pretty boys, but this one had a small hoop dangling from his ear, bright blue eyes, messy dirty blonde hair, and a voice deep enough to rival her ex's. Leah mentally cursed herself, since hooking up with Sam, she'd been attracted to Barry White voices like bees to honey. She'd be lying if she said she didn't act out and force Sam to order her using the Alpha voice on more than one occassion. It did tingly things to her that her masochistic side took pleasure in.

Jacob made a noise of disbelief that snapped Leah out of her thoughts and back to the matter at hand. She leaned forward into his window.

Jacob will swear to his grave that he did not stare at her ass as she bent over.

"Yeah, our car ran out of gas a couple miles back. Wanna help us out?"

Pretty Boy gave Leah a look, then stared over her shoulder at Jacob, who puffed up to full height. Pretty Boy made a noise in the back of his throat, "So you and your..."

"Brother," Leah supplied, but then remembered she'd been checking out his ass last night and felt just a bit creepy, so she added, "Step. My step-brother."

Hell, Billy had been trying to get with her mom, it was close enough. Jacob snorted. Pretty Boy smiled, "You and your _brother _need a lift to AL's a few miles up. He'll tow your truck in for no charge and help you out."

"Yeah, that'd be great...um...you never told us your name," she tilted her head.

"Daniel. And you?"

"I'm Leah and this is Jacob."

Jacob approached further a stood directly behind Leah. Daniel leaned a little further back and Jacob smirked while flexing. Leah rolled her eyes and muttered between her teeth, "Back up dog breath. If you're so worried about us...two giant horse sized wolves who kill vampires for a living...getting killed, then just stand there and look big. Other than that, let me handle the rest."

"Whatever Leah, let's just go."

* * *

AL's was a garage/bar/apartment, all belonging to Amy and Leonard Fronter. Leonard was a pot belly having, large 6 foot 7 50 year old mechanic who smelled like Old Spice and Budlight. Amy was his man-hating, chainsmoking 22 year old niece whose Barbie blonde hair looked like it hadn't been combed in days and was tossed messily into a curly ponytail, eyes were lined with soft black, lips painted in deep red and a lit cigarette dangling from the corner of her lips. Her thigh, shoulder, wrist, and ankle were decorated in tattoos, and she and Leah hit it off within ten minutes after a stare down of who was the bigger bitch and finding common ground -that men were stupid.

Joy.

So Jacob sat on Leonard's ratty old couch and tried to resist the urge to bang his head against the wall while Leonard droned on and on about his life story in between sips of beer and a random belly laugh as if he'd made some inside joke.

When he found Leah, he was going to kill her. She'd disappeared with Biker Barbie twenty minutes ago and had yet to be heard from. In the back of his mind, a small voice was telling him that Amy ate her for lunch and tossed her remains to the Dobermans he'd seen.

That thought process was interrupted when Daniel, who was the Leonard's nephew and Amy's brother, plopped down next to him. Jacob shot him a look out the corner of his eye and watched him suspiciously.

"Hi."

"Hello _Jacob_."

His name sounded so wrong coming from this guy's mouth. He said his name like it was something...taboo.

"Hi."

Daniel laughed. "You said that already."

"I'm aware." Keep it short, he told himself. "Where's Leah?" He could smell her, just couldn't see her.

"My sister dragged her to the bar. They're both wasted and indulging in a _my life sucks more_ spiel. They've made quite the drinking game out of it. The bartender's keeping score."

Jacob doesn't even want to know what's being said in there. "I guess it's a free for all man hunt between those two, huh?" Jacob joked with a little laugh. Daniel full out guffawed and scooted closer. Jacob went rigid. Maybe making jokes wasn't a good idea.

"Yeah, I can only imagine the stories being told. We all have a past we're not proud of..."

Closer. Closer. Jacob tries to toss himself over the couch, but Daniel's hand on his thigh freezes him. He can lift a fucking car with one hand, but he's so busy staring in utter shock that he can't remove the hand creeping up his thigh. He makes a pained noise. "Um..."

Daniel's phone rings and it wakes Jacob up. He jumpes up like there's fire on his ass, shoots a warning growl at Daniel who winks in return, and bolts to the bar. He rubs his hand over his face. He feels so..._dirty_.

He walks in just in time to see Leah shaking her ass on top the bar, belting out lyrics, and Amy tossing one dollar bills at her. She does a little stripper dip and takes another shot. "I know you wanna bite this, it's so enticing, nothing else like this! IMMA MAKE YOU MY BITCH!"

Jacob groans as someone wolf whistles in the corner. She starts swishing her ass to the beat. "He want this cake cake cake cake cake cake cake."

Jacob makes his way over once she starts raising up her shirt. "LEAH!"

Her eyes scan the bar before landing on him. "JAKE!" she falls forward into his arms and plants a sloppy kiss on his lips. Amy snorts and falls over on her stool.

"Closest brother and sister I've ever seen. Hey, are you guys kinda like Sebastian and Katherine from _Cruel Intentions_?"

Leah laughs harder.

"Leah...are you drunk?" It's almost funny the way she looks up guiltily, like a child caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Then a full out smile falls on her face. "Fucking right."

She bumps fists with Amy who orders another round.

"Hey Frankie?" Leah calls to the bartender, twisting in Jacob's arms. "What's the score."

"Ames has 72 points. You're in the lead by five, Lee baby," he answers.

Jacob's eyes Leah. Lee baby? "Leah, what are you playing?"

"FML! Fuck my life, Jakester. 20 points for something related to sex. 5 for something to do with family issues. 10 for friendship troubles. And a whopping 35 if you can combine all three. First one to 100 wins! I only need...wait...what's 100 minus 72 plus 5? Whatever it is...that's what I need. And I'm about to pull out the big guns!"

Oh no, Jacob sighed before Leah proudly stated, "My ex fiancee dumped me for and is now expecting a baby from my best friend and my cousin! I'm the maid of honor in the fucking wedding! And he's my goddamn boss! 35 points! Beat that, bitch!" She took a shot.

Amy called foul. Jacob raised an eyebrow. "You can foul?"

She shot him a look so filled with hate that he actually shut up. "You only get the 20 points if the sex involves you!"

"He _used_ to fuck me."

"Doesn't count."

"I'm still in the lead. Try and outscore me, baby."

Amy rolled her neck, took two shots back to back, before cracking her knuckles and grinning. "When I was 16, my mother slept with my boyfriend. He dumped me, she ran away with him. Haven't heard from her since."

Complete silence. Jake looked on uncomfortably...until they both started laughing. Leah raised her glass. "Cheers! You win, hooker. Even I can't beat that."

She'd already used up all her good stuff earlier in the game. Being menopausal got her 11 points, being hated by an entire reservation got her another 12. Now that she thinks about it, her life fucking sucks. She giggles and Jacob worries about her mental health. He moves to carefully sit her down when someone pinches his ass. Leah laughs at his expression and Amy waggles her eyebrows. "You better watch that thing, my brother's been eyeing all day. I can see why."

"Back off bitch," Leah mumbles drunkenly. "Right, Jakey-poo?"

He nods slowly and strokes her head. "Sure...Leah poo. Sure, sure."

It's best to be gentle with drunk emotional people. But he is definitely bringing this moment up whenever he can. All the time. For years and years he'll taunt her with this shit.

Just as Jacob is about to go figure out what's taking so long with his car, Leah hurls all over his torso. Amy finds it hilarious and snaps pictures with her camera phone. Jacob almost rips it in half and shoves it down her throat.

Leah passes out at his feet...fucking passes out. He glares accusingly at Amy. "What the fuck did you give her? She doesn't get drunk easily."

"Whoa there, Muscle Man, she brought her own stuff to the party. Just mixed it in with some homemade specials and viola, she was flashing her tits at me. By the way, I think we have a shirt you can borrow and you can put her into my room. It's better to let her sleep it off."

* * *

He is pissed. He twists to the left and then to the right in the mirror and throws a glance over his shoulder at a snoring Leah and attempts to breathe.

"Don't they have anything bigger?" he mutters, stretching the fabric, "This shit can't even fit a Ken doll."

Amy claims she gave him one of her brother's shirts, something he did not want to take for obvious reasons, but he's convinced the man hating witch gave him her shirt instead. There's no way he should have been able to squeeze his torso in the bright green Polo. It clung to his body so tight that he was hunched over to allow himself breathing room. He felt like he was going to pull a Hulk and rip the fabric if he even exhaled too roughly.

And because this was such a fabulous day, his cell phone rang. He pulled it from his back pocket and pressed Talk without looking at the Caller ID. "Yeah?" he gruffed out.

He wished he had looked at the Caller ID. The voice on the other line was not happy.

"Hi, Sam."


End file.
